The Witch Project
by Empress T'Pau
Summary: Chapter 3! COMPLETE! Happy Belated Birthday Snape!rnRead and Flame please, the end for our heroes have come!...not really...you know what i mean just read! ;)
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling's and The Blair Witch Project is not mine!

Author's Note: Must…stop…writing…Snape…fics!

The Witch Project

_Three years ago, three professors went to investigate strange occurrences in the Forbidden Forest, it was rumored that a crazy witch lived deep within the heart of the forest. Unfortunately, Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape and Albus Dumbledore were never seen again after they went into the forest, their disappearances had remained a mystery, until their records were found... (Ominous music)_

December 4, 2004

(On screen Snape, wearing a wool cap a plaid shirt with jeans, looking into the camera)

" It's December fourth two thousand and four, my colleagues and I have decided to investigate weird sightings of a mad witch living in the forbidden forest. To be quite honest I think it's a load of rubbish, but Dumbledore insists on doing this." Snape said as he points the camera away from his face. Minerva, also in camping attire, glares at the camera.

" Severus, turn that thing off!" She said fixing her hair. Snape's voice is heard in the background.

" I can't Minerva, it's for evidence." Snape said very sarcastically, turning the camera on Dumbledore.

" Say Hi to the camera Albus." Snape said as Dumbledore smiled and waved at the camera, " Hello everybody, I suppose Severus told you what we were doing." Snape turns the camera back on his face.

" Well, this is going to be very interesting, if I die here it will be from boredom, so I am going to have to keep myself entertained." He starts to record the gloomy surroundings and then his camera once again falls on McGonagall, who is enjoying a sandwich. All of a sudden Snape starts to hum the Jaws theme song, " Dun dun…dun dun…dun dun dun dun dun dun dun…da!!"

" Cut it out Severus I can hear you." Minerva said continuing to eat. Snape ignores her warning and continues.

" She is of a rare species. Her sharp teeth can tear a man to pieces in one minute sharp. You wouldn't want to bother her, especially as she is eating. However, since I am bored, I will bravely attempt to get her attention." Snape said whispering to the camera, suddenly we see a small pebble hit Minerva in the shoulder. She glares at Severus.

" Contact has been made, she looks awfully angry, probably shouldn't have done that. (Minerva rises) Holy crap." Snape abruptly gets up and begins to run, we hear Minerva yelling profanities at him as she chases after him. The camera is violently shaking; we hear Snape's gasps as he runs from Minerva. The camera then falls to the ground and fizzes out.

Shzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Approximately 5 hours later.

" I am so going to get that little &#$# back. No one messes with Minerva McGonagall." Minerva said speaking into the camera; she zooms in on a sleeping Snape.

" This is going to be precious."

" Minerva? Whom are you speaking to?" Dumbledore asked.

" Albus come here." Minerva begins to whisper things to him and the camera is focusing on Snape. After about thirty seconds Albus's voice comes on.

"Well, it appears Minerva wants to scare the crap out of Severus this should prove to be a lot of fun…Severus!!!!!"

" Huh? Whuh? What the bloody hell happened?" Snape said waking up.

" Minerva is gone!!! I think it got her! The Crazy witch got her!!"

" Really that's such a shame." Snape said trying to go back to sleep.

" No, we must look for her." Dumbledore said shaking him. Snape grumbled and got up, Dumbledore followed after him with the camera.

" Minerva!!! Where did that old cow go to?" Snape said as both him and Dumbledore emerged from the tent. Snape pulled out his wand and illuminated the area.

Everything is extremely quiet only the crickets could be heard. Snape looked paler than usual.

" Did you see that Severus? That bush just moved. Go over there and look!" Dumbledore said pointing his hand over at a bush. Snape just stood there looking at the camera.

" Come now Severus!"

Snape looked over at the bush, reluctantly going over to it, like a scared child. He pointed his wand into it, and just when he was about to turn around to go back, a gray cat jumped out of the bushes and attached itself on Snape's face.

" Ahhhh! Get it off me!! It's the crazy witch it's the crazy witch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhh!!!" Snape wailed as he ran in circles scared brainless. Dumbledore was laughing so hard the camera was vibrating. Eventually the cat got off and it transfigured into McGonagall, who was rolling on the ground laughing. Snape was cowering in a corner as both Minerva and Albus were imitating.

" Minerva, who am I? It's the crazy witch it's the crazy witch!!!" Dumbledore began to run around in circles. It then dawned on Snape it was all just a joke. He immediately got up and ran into the tent while the others were laughing hysterically.

" Transfiguration lessons: 350 galleons, Wand: 105 knuts, scaring the & out of Severus Snape: priceless!!" Minerva said clutching her stomach.

" That's all for tonight folks!" Dumbledore said and turned off the camera.

Shzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

* * *

Do you guys like it? Do you want me to keep writing this? Please I beg you review! 


	2. chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing! I really don't honest! I don't even own my sanity!! So don't sue, I am not getting a single dime out of this, I am poor, I don't have a job or anything, I have absolutely no money. I am likely to live in my parent's house until I am forty or married.

Author's note: Goodness, thank you for the reviews!!!!! I am so happy!!! Everyone gets an imaginary Snape plushy! Hey! Now there's an idea! A Snape plushy! OMHG! I think they would make so much money out of it!

Enjoy

The Witch Project

Chapter Two: Signs

(Severus on Screen)

" We are here in the forbidden forest, as stated before, it is about three in morning and I can't go to sleep." Snape spoke into the camera; crickets could be heard chirping in the background.

" Cuz he's been scared crapless!" Minerva said in the background. Snape glared at her direction.

" No I haven't!" His face twitches, "Anyways, there have been no signs or occurrences that would lead us to believe that there is a witch living here, which is why when morning comes around I will be going back to Hogwarts. Leaving these two dunder heads to the 'witch'." Snape stops talking to the camera, looking around making sure they were all asleep.

" I suppose before I leave I should get revenge for what she did to me, but how do you screw over an ugly cow."

" I heard that Severus, if you don't want to wake up like a roll of toilet paper, you'll shut your hole."

Severus took the threat seriously and turned off the camera.

Shzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Next Morning

(Minerva on screen)

" Yeah so it's bright and early, from the looks of it Severus wants to leave us, which in my opinion is quite alright! More food for us, it will be nice not having a frightened child with us all the time. Lets go bug him!"

Severus was busily packing his things into his backpack. The camera zooms in on him as Minerva throws a stick at him.

" Why the bloody hell did you do that!" Snape said rubbing his head.

" Is Mr. Grump face leaving us? Did it get too scary?" Minerva taunted him mercilessly. Snape got up and looked at the camera.

" No, I have work to do I don't have time to meddle with such a frivolous thing." Snape said defensively.

" Oh, right you know that during the _summer_ holidays it can get pretty busy." Minerva said sarcastically. As she swiveled the camera around, checking the surroundings and all. " Its all right Severus I understand if you are scared." Minerva muttered underneath her breath as she focused in on a tree.

The branches on the tree had no leaves; its boughs were drying up and curling in on themselves. On closer inspection a rope and a gnarled form could be seen swinging back and forth from a branch. Minerva gave a loud gasp and she screamed. Dumbledore's voice echoed in the background.

" Minerva what is it what are you seeing?" Dumbledore said getting in front of the camera. Minerva hollered something inaudible, then all turned and looked at where she was pointing.

" Lets go and see what it is!" Dumbledore said quite enthusiastically, going through one of the bushes in the direction of the tree. Severus stood there looking at the camera stupefied. Minerva hesitantly walked in the bushes.

" Who's scared now." Snape's voice could be heard behind Minerva.

" Shut up Severus!" Minerva said nervously as she made her way through the roots and trees, which blocked her way. Severus was crying softly as he was hit by the branches the Minerva would bend forward to go through. After about five minutes of this they came upon a very dark area of the forest where a clearing was present and Dumbledore was standing net to the tree, aghast at what he saw.

Hanging from the tree was a small skeleton with a sign wrapped around its neck, which read:

_Here hangs the body of Jonathon Crocket_

_Beware the witch lives here_

" The body of Jonathon Crocket? You mean there really was a boy named Jonathon Crocket? I thought he was just some urban legend." Snape said slightly squeamish.

" Yes there was, poor little boy." Minerva said, " Dumbledore you know I honestly think we have enough proof of her existence let's go home."

" Yes for once I think Minerva has the right idea." Snape said with sincerity.

Dumbledore shook his head and sighed.

" I am disappointed in you two." He said as he looked up at the hanging skeleton, " This is not enough evidence."

" What do you mean!!! Isn't it the enough? A corpse and a sign!!!" Snape said pacing all over the place, " You know what I want to go home, give me the map and I'll find my way back." Snape said extending his hand.

" I don't have it with me," Dumbledore said as his eyes diverted back to the camera.

" Dumbledore, lets go back to camp okay?" Minerva said with the same desperation. Dumbledore nodded and then the camera turned off.

Shzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(Back at camp)

There was a massive carnage of broken metal and cloth. It was what was all that was left of their camp.

" What the bloody hell happened?" Snape said as he picked up several pieces of debris off the ground.

" It's the crazy witch!" Minerva said as she picked up a small peace of parchment.

" See she left a message it says: leave now unless you want to be skinned alive and deep fried and be eaten like Jonathon Crocket!!!!"

" Dumbledore give me the bloody map now!" Snape said stomping his foot on the ground. Dumbledore acted as if he didn't know what he was talking about.

"Dumbledore, what did you do with the map?" Minerva said getting closer to Dumbledore. Albus remained silent.

" Albus Dumbledore what did you do with the map?" Minerva said her voice a lot thicker. Dumbledore said something inaudible.

" What was that?" Snape said angrily.

" I threw it into the lake…" Dumbledoer said nonchalantly.

" You did what!!!!!!!!" Snape yelled in unison with Minerva.

" You condemned us! We are going ot die! How could you!!! How could you!!" Minerva shouted.

" Don't worry we'll figure something out!" Dumbledore said quietly.

" Like what?! It wasn't enough to drag us all down here, but you have to get us killed as well." Snape hollered angrily, " Turn off that camera Minerva! Turn it off!!"

Instead of the camera shutting itself off, you could see it fall to the ground as Minerva went over to shout profanities at Dumbledore.

* * *

What will happen next? 


	3. chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own no one or anything associated with the Blair witch or Harry Potter

Authors Note: I am sorry to have neglected this story for so long. My AP class and lack of inspiration is all to blame…

_**The Witch Project**_

**_Chapter Three: The batteries are out!_**

Minerva's face comes into the screen; clearly several hours have passed since the whole map incident.

" It is night and I am utterly horrified…Dumbledore has been leading us in circles and Snape has been bugging the infernal crap out of me. I am sick and tired of this."

Minerva turns the camera away from her face and forward where we see the illuminated figures of Snape and Dumbledore.

" Minerva, turn that bloody thing off." Snape said angrily flailing" his hands at it.

" Fat chance Severus, its not everyday one sees you frightened." Minerva said as she zoomed in on his face. Severus snarled and looked ahead. The trees within the forbidden forest formed eerie-knotted shapes in the darkness and the creeps and sounds of many forest creatures filled the forest.

" Silence from both of you would be greatly appreciated." Dumbledore muttered as he pushed through some bushes. Dumbledore had apparently become increasingly irritated with his partners and was beginning to regret his actions.

….Snap!…

" What was that?" Snape said jumping slightly and nearly falling onto a tree.

" Calm yourself it was probably some animal." Minerva said more to reassure herself than Severus.

Dumbledore came to an abrupt stop, and backed up.

" What is it Dumbledore." Minerva said as Snape quickly stole himself behind her.

" Run!!!" Dumbledore yelled as his horrified face blared through the camera. Minerva began to run following Snape and Dumbledore. Snape was yelling and whimpering and Minerva was muttering curse words as she fled for her life.

" The crazy witch is after us, the crazy witch is after us!!! Mummy!!!" Snape screamed hysterically.

They went screaming from bush to tree until they suddenly came upon an old cabin like home.

" Quick lets hide in there!!" Dumbledore suggested.

" Are you crazy? Where did it come from? What if it belongs to her?!!" Minerva yelled at him.

" I'm not going in there!!!" Snape yelled, but then again a wild cackle and footsteps were heard.

" Screw it!" Snape said as he threw caution to the wind and went into the cabin. Minerva and Dumbledore quickly followed into the dark cabin. Snape was hysterical as he ran up a flight of stairs.

" Where are we?" Minerva muttered.

" In an attic I think?" Dumbledore replied as he tried to catch his breath.

" Shut up both of you or the witch will hear us!" Snape said cowering in a corner.

" Albus I can tell we are not going to survive this so any last words?" Minerva said as loud sounds could be heard coming from beneath the attic.

" I am so sorry to the both of you, I did not mean this to happen."

" Darn straight you didn't!" Snape said in a fetal position, " I'm so scared!! I am so sorry I am sorry for making your life a living heck Harry! I am sorry Minerva for everything and I am so sorry for making everyone so miserable, all I wanted was to be loved."

Minerva turned the camera on herself, " This is the last time…no…I just like to tell everyone that I love them and that no matter what we'll always be friends." Does the trademark Lucy cry and puts the camera down.

They all give each other a big hug, as they cry on each other's shoulders.

" Oh Albus I love you and I love you too Snape!"

" I love you guys too sorry for everything…" Snape whimpered.

" Surprise!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The lights went on and surrounding them was the entire student body, laughing and giggling along with several teachers.

" What the bloody hell it this all about?" Snape said quickly wiping away his tears.

"Happy Birthday Severus!!!!!!!!!" they all said, whistling and throwing confetti. Snape looked at them confused, trying to absorb the information.

" But it is not my birthday, not till the eight of January you are all a month early…"

Everyone was silent for a very long time.

" And what about the skeleton and what were we running from?"

Everyone looks at the camera.

" It is all the authors fault!!" Hermione yelled.

" Good job, you messed up a perfectly decent story!!" Dumbledore yelled.

" Why the bloody hell did you have to take a class to hard for you, what an incompetent writer!" Snape yelled, " and how dare you make me look like a baby."

" That's not her fault." McGonagall quipped.

" I say we burn her at the stake!!!!" Harry yelled….

_And so apparently they did not disappear, but instead they along with their students went in a wild rage and went in search of the author of this story to bring her to justice… MWHAHAHAHAHAH THEY'LL NEVER FIND ME NEVER!!!! _

* * *

Okay sorry about that folks what a horrible stupid ending, if you would all like to send flames, please do and I might be convinced to write a better alternate ending…but for now I am in hiding, screwing over imaginary people is the worst anyone can do…don't piss off anybody in the Potterverse….

FLAME ME PLEASE!!!


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